Tomorrow morning, I’ll take my suitcase and my viola and head for the railway station, off to my summer holidays. The first week I’ll spend at a cabin on the seaside in Western Finland, together with my chosen family, just the three of us and the dog. On the second week, I’ve planned to go to my grandparent’s place, to pick the remaining blackcurrants and basically do nothing after that. At the beginning of the third week, I might turn on the phone again.
This is what I’ll try to leave home:
– my master’s thesis and anything to do with studying
– gender worries and saving the world
– most if not all “shoulds”, “oughts” and “coulds”
– perfectionism (which is why I’m taking the viola)
Instead of these, I’ll try to take with me a deep thought expressed in this song. “Jos voisin joskus olla niin kuin hän jota rakastan – – katsoisin järvenselkää ilman kynää ja paperia.”*
Every waking moment doesn’t need to be productive. Every action doesn’t have to lead somewhere. Every choice doesn’t have to affect my whole life. It is like the Preacher says, in the Old Testament: “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.” (Ecc. 3:12)
While we live – not before living, longing for a future that always slips from our grasp, and certainly not after we’ve lived. If I keep saving my present time in hope of enjoying its fruit in the future, I’ll end up losing my whole life, making it a chain of pasts left to spoil.
* Rough translation: “If sometime I could be like the one I love, — I’d watch the lake without a pen and paper.”